Patience is one of those key ingredients as a parent, which can be easy to forget about. The busyness of life, the never ending task lists; all the while trying to help shape your child’s future through the day to day lessons. I don’t know about you, but my children have a million questions about ever aspect of life. Though I do my best to answer everything from the endless source of questions such as, “Why are fireworks called fireworks?” or “Who invented chess?”
Though these questions are harmless and actually rather wonderful reminders to marvel at the big and little things in life; I can easily become agitated by the endless fire of questions. Why? These are wonderful questions and special moments with my children. I should be counting them as cherishing moments and valuing each one as the precious memories my children are creating with me as they share their interests and childhood curiosity.
Realistically, I love that my children are so inquisitive and naturally curious about life, as most children are. The problem comes in when I get caught up in my own work, my own tasks, the demands of daily life to keep things moving forward. It is unintentional often times; and unfortunately an inevitable reality for all parents at some point trying to keep life functioning.
As I thought about it, I realized my patience with these little moments often get robbed by two factors; one, my own ambition and two, by my lack of energy. If I am honest, my patience gets robbed by my own self-interested pursuits. Though most humans don’t want to admit it, every human to some degree is naturally selfish and we all have a limited amount of time and energy in each day to distribute to the demands of life’s tasks and challenges. It takes a conscious effort to get outside of ourselves as people, as parents, as a spouse, or a family member or friend to truly care about the others around us amidst the demands of our own lives.
It takes energy and effort to develop patience. It takes self-sacrifice to invest in other people, especially our children,. Nevertheless, that is the task set before each parent to help cultivate their children’s own skill sets and understanding of how to maneuver through the world as effective, self-sufficient human beings. Ultimately, the job of any parent is to provide abilities and skills to be positive contributing human-being to society and others around them. It also takes patience and energy to pay attention to our children and help refine each child’s natural abilities to forge those skills into viable careers, while balancing the spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental needs of our children to build strong, resilient, and honorable characters within each child.
Regularly, I have to remind myself that each day, my children watch my example far more than they listen to what I say. I could provide them with the highest quality education, the most moral spiritual training, supply them with the best physical products and healthiest diets; yet, if I am not living in accordance to the things that I am teaching and preaching, it all means nothing. If my actions do not match what I say, it’s just words.
Each parent’s actions speak much louder to their children than their words. How we handle challenges, how we treat people, where we devote our time and energy conveys the message to our children about our true priorities. Each parent’s priorities are encapsulated in the physical, spiritual, emotional and mental actions of what each person prioritizes in their actions. This is why it is imperative for each parent to not merely give lip service to what matters to them. It is imperative that each parent take personal responsibility and accountability for each action; positive and negative in life in front of our children. If you make a mistake with your child, like I know I have, be sure to apologize and do the best you can to correct the mistake.
Children watch each parent’s actions and examples. If any parent wants to be a good example to their children, the parent’s example, actions, and accountability will ultimately hold far more value to the child than anything a parent merely says. Every single day, those little eyes of my children are watching me. This is something I consciously try to remind myself of daily. I have to deliver actions for my words to the best of my ability. Though unexpected things happen naturally in life which may interrupt or delay plans; the key is patience through perseverance. My children watch how I handle adversity and setbacks. Everyday, whether I realize it or not, my children are taking mental notes on how my husband and I live as information on what is acceptable in life and what is not.
This is why I need patience with my children and with all people. This is why God calls each of us to be slow to anger. Being slow to anger requires patience. This is why the first call to love according to 1 Corinthians 13:4 is patience.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
This is a passage I’m constantly rereading and rewriting in various places within my work or for my own personal account. Why? Because this is the true definition of true, genuine, and enduring love. It is incredibly tall order when you actually take into full consideration the weight of the passage. It almost seems like an impossible standard to live up to and actively live in every aspect of life and in every situation. Admittedly, I fail at this standard sadly far more often than I succeed. Why? Because I am human and in a continuous war with my own flesh, against my own fallen human nature. It is a daily battle, as it is for all humans. It is also why Jesus Christ called his followers to pick up our cross daily; because the struggle of being human is a daily challenge. Yet, this is God’s standard of love. So, of course it is perfect and yes, it is absolutely perfect.
When I fail at these aspects of loving properly in life, sometimes unconsciously, the Holy Spirit convicts me about it and shows me where I fail as a parent or simply as a human. God does not want any of us to be ignorant to our own shortcomings or trying to make us feel guilty for the fun of it. No, quite the opposite, when I get convicted for any aspect of not loving properly, when I have a lack of patience, the Holy Spirit convicts me about it to refine me. To correct me. Because Jesus loves me like He loves everyone reading this. Jesus Christ promised the Holy Spirit, the Advocate, to help us through the challenges of life. Jesus Christ promised to not leave any of His followers as orphans. This is where conviction of the Holy Spirit comes in. To show all followers of Jesus Christ and myself a better way. The better way is found in God’s direction in the Bible because the Holy Bible is God’s love letter to humanity. The Holy Bible is the written source of all wisdom and life.
Someday I will be an old woman. Someday my children will move on and go out into the world to forge their own paths and lives. Do I want them to remember their mother as a mother who had no patience or do I want my children to remember they mattered more to me than the physical or temporal things of the passing stages of this life? Will they know, the value of their souls to me was worth investing in the time and energy to help prepare them for life? Will they know how incredibly precious each one of their souls and lives are, not only to me as their mother, but to God who gave these precious children to me as a gift? Will they know, I paid attention to them because I loved them? Is my love showing daily within my actions and words? Am I establishing the true meaning of love in each one of their lives by loving them how God calls me to love them as their mother? Am I teaching them patience, kindness and perseverance, even through suffering and setbacks? Love truly is a verb, it is in action, not a phrase. Love is shown, not simply said or heard. So for all the parents out there who read this, remember; love is patient. That is the first ingredient to teaching true love to every child. Love is patient.
Great thoughts Heidi. Yes, I am finding we must exercise ourselves in the Spirit – build ourselves up in God – it won’t just happen automatically (having patience). Choose to put things aside so the fruit of the Spirit can grow.